Celebrities in love have often sung about their romantic paradise. Two years down the line, their affair ends. Maybe it lasted as long as the movie contract. The same lover who was the "one in a million" becomes enemy number one. Facebook pages become laden with all sorts of available sarcasm. Worse, some may reach the point of murdering their ex-lovers to eliminate them completely.
One wonders why old lovers could ever become new enemies.
Brandy Romine, AKA Bail Mother, a Certified Life Coach from Orlando, Florida claims age might have something to do with it. According to Romaine, age is not just a number. Couples may break up depending on the age of the guy or girl when getting together. She cited 16 as an age where neither party really has the life skills and experience to make a relationship work.
According to the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, approximately
60 percent of marriages in which the couple marries between age 20 and 25 will
end in divorce.
Moreover, the Australian Institute of Family Studies reported that in all the statistics of 1981, 1991 and 2006, men and women aged between 25 - 29 rated the highest out of other age ranges in terms of divorce. Many were those who got into relationships and marriages in their mid-teens.
Additional evidence is present on the website www.wotwentwrong.com. They published feedback between January 24 to April 24, 2012 on the reasons behind breakup. A whole 37% stated they had somebody else, another 37% stated they were just not ready for a relationship [yet they were in a relationship] and the final 26% said they were still hooked on their previous relationship.
Love is not Lust
Another theory is that most people do not know that there is a big line between love and lust. Lust is more about the self. It entails what you want in relation to your natural feelings or need for the fulfillment of your desires. Love, in its broad meaning, is more about what you give rather that what you get in return. Love would result in the two still wanting to be together even after hardship.
On the same note, Romaine said that this may stem from the same age factor. One partner hungers for more and starts "googling" around, experimenting in "romance." Eventually, the other partner discovers that his/her "sweetheart" is sleeping around. This then breaks the partner's heart. Resentment takes over to the extent that one party never wants to hear from the "ex-lover" again.
It is possible, therefore, for you to think you have fallen in love when instead you have fallen into a snare of your own lust. More than likely, your relationship will come to an end. And, if you choose to force matters, you will live a miserable life until all of your efforts completely wear out.
Sex is by no means a proof of love; if love comes along and leaves patience behind, then it is not love at all.
Sex, Lies, Secrets...
Besides, the fact that love and sex have different meanings fully explains that there is yet another line between them. The act of proving love through sex is a sure way to a broken relationship. Be cautious with sex demands - possibly, that could be all your partner wants from you. Supposedly, every time you are away, someone comes in to provide the same service as a relief.
Maness Mazengera, 24, of South Africa, shares her lot. She said that a simple thing called a lie can cause a relationship to be fractured. That alone, according to Mazengera, is evidence that there is a lack of respect.
there is no trust, love vanishes - if at all it ever existed.
lie, just be honest," said Mazenegra.
According to www.theadventurousblog.com, blogger Laurie claims lying to be the number one reasons couples break up.
"If the basic trust in a love relationship is repeatedly broken, the problems accumulate and the motivation to stay together decreases," writes Laurie.
This introduces the subject of discipline. Whenever you are in a relationship, it is very important to observe the boundaries in terms of how you relate with the opposite sex. It is very unfair to your lover when you associate with other members of the opposite gender as you would with your lover, even if there isn't a love affair with such a third party.
According to Brooke Dean for madamenoir.com, "Flirtatious conversations should generally be innocent and pleasant, not laced with innuendo. When you add attraction and desire to inappropriate talk, you're playing with fire. All it takes is for one person to share his or her favorite fantasy before one of you decides to act it out."
Friendships with the Opposite Sex
For those who even just have a lot of platonic relationships with those of the opposite sex should be warned. Ladies who associate with men more than they do with their fellow ladies and men who are more into ladies than their fellow men are all in the same boat. They all move from broken relationship to broken relationship. Playing games with the conscience of your lover is an attitude that will endorse you as a permanent loser. This is why Apostle Paul said firstly, avoid sin. Secondly, avoid the appearance of sin.
Maleza, a youth evangelist in Malawi, said most people associate with the
opposite sex for bad reasons, not necessarily answering to their divine calling
to win souls.
the law of physics, the invisible law operating in every love affair is that
like terms attract each other. In order to meet the person possessing the
qualities you have listed, the best you can do is to possess those qualities
yourself. If by any chance you happen to fall in love with someone whom does
not share your values, that relationship will not last long.
Researchers from the University of California
at Berkeley monitored the number of unsolicited messages received by 3,000
members of an online dating website. In their report, the researchers claimed
the results proved that opposites do not attract at all - and that like is
drawn towards like.
They said: 'Individuals on the dating market will assess their own self-worth and select partners whose social desirability approximately equals their own.
On the same vein, Maleza quotes a Bible verse from Amos 3:3 saying "two cannot walk together unless they agree." He stressed that no couple can be 100% "congruent" in the mind but, certainly, they ought to share core values if they are to remain in love.
Love is Not Temporary
other individuals simply just lose interest in their loved one. They just stop
liking or loving the person who was for so long a source of joy, happiness and
In fact, Laura Betzig PhD, studied 160 societies and concluded that out of the 43 causes of divorce, infidelity was the most common cause. Partners were seeking the long lost excitement outside the marriage.
Love is a seed that keeps growing unlike pretense which keeps dwindling until all the traits that resembled love become extinct. Why should you be someone's alternative when you could be somebody's priority? Meditate.
For some, extramarital relationships serve as a way to end dissatisfying marriages, says renowned psychologist and marital researcher Shirley Glass.
Glass points out in a report written for the American Association for Marriage and Family that a forbidden love affair consisting of romantic idealization is not a fair comparison with the routine familiarity of a long-term marriage.
Agreement, Openness, Forgiveness
On the other hand, where there is love, the two of you must reach an agreement on mutual core values without any pretense. This must come from the heart and not the verbal agreement, which usually carries the phrase, 'I love you.' You have to be convinced that you are loving the person you call your lover, not just getting into such a commitment out of desperation as you increase in age.
"Spoil each other, let there be good communication and trust between the two of you," Maness said.
addition, openness is a very good element that has to exist in every love
affair. Love is the science of exchanging hearts without involving a surgeon. Admitting
your failure to your lover is a very big strength, which appears to be a
weakness. Naturally, people feel respected and important when you apologize to
According to Sam Margulies in a Psychology Today article called Divorce for Grownups, you will not lose anything by apologizing. You will only gain.
"In intimate relationships an effective apology can quickly heal an inadvertent injury," said Margulies.
gain everything when you admit guilt. It is just a matter of one sentence
comprising only three words: 'I am sorry.'
evangelist Maleza argued that differences can be sorted out with a peaceful
discussion. He concluded by saying that admitting failure is divine.
Simultaneously, when your lover apologizes to you and you forgive sincerely, the forgiven person feels so loved, understood and becomes so inclined to you. There is peace and indescribable joy in the heart of the forgiven person and even without words, gratitude goes to the one who has forgiven the other. Imagine you becoming the source of someone's joy. Oneness is there and, inevitably, trust creeps in, love blossoms and the bonds of such a relationship are strengthened. Forgive. Next time, it may be you doing the apologizing.
However, there is one specific type of apology which is reckless and is not supposed to be entertained. This is the sort of an apology where someone seeks reconciliation with you after you have already entered into love with a new loving person. Tell such a person that time is up. Insisting on the person you dumped will only wear you out. Continue at owner's risk.
Love grows and sustains. If you were once in love and now you have become enemies, I bet you, you were not in love at all. Let's call that something else.