The Undersexed Teens
November 30, 2011By Alicia Ramsay

Sex. It is one of the most dominant tools of influence within society. Evolving into a money making brand, its consequences are cautioned in classrooms while its temporary pleasures are featured frequently in films. But, where you can't find it, is where it really needs to be.


Although the topic of sex is uber prevalent, it is seen as taboo within the church and more specifically within youth-related ministries at church.


"Adults want to have this blind hope that their churched children aren't engaging in sex, or aren't tempted to have sex," said Pastor Andre Harrison, a youth pastor of 13 years from Staten Island, New York. "Adult naïveté will kill the morals of the young generation."


According to health reports by the University of Michigan, 70 percent of the top 20 TV shows viewed by teens include sexual content. The American Psychological Association estimates that teens are exposed to 14,000 sexual references on TV per year and the average age of viewing explicit pictures is 10.


Sigmund Freud, often referred to as the father of psychoanalysis, held theories that children begin to repress sexual urges and aggression between the ages of 8 and 12.


What we know is while teens begin to see, hear and question about sex, most of them will never hear their spiritual leader broach the topic.


Instead, faith communities will center the discourse on repentance, salvation, forgiveness, charity and God's love. Churches shy away from talking to young Christians about sex.


"The topic has become taboo because people like to avoid difficult subjects," said Brandon Goldson, 19, of New York. "And many adults in the church find it difficult to talk to young Christians about sex."


It may not be the easiest topic to bring up with youth, but how does not talking about it benefit them?


As of an August 2011 report by the Guttmacher Institute, the average teen has their first sexual experience at approximately 17 years old, 13 percent of teens have had vaginal sex by age 15, while 11 percent of unmarried females and 14 percent of unmarried males have had sex before age 15.


With the average teen engaging in or encountering sex just a few years short of puberty, when would be the most appropriate time to educate church youth about sex?


"I think between the ages of 11-15, basic information about sex should be discussed," said Goldson.


Harrison believes it may even be necessary to start earlier.


"6th grade or a little before," said Harrison. "Their world opens up dramatically to sex, smoking, drugs and other socially inappropriate behaviors at that age and, as a church, we ought to hit them with the truth about sex then."


Sex education within the church is the least incorporated programmatic element and because of the church's abstention, teens seek, and often times, stumble upon information from external sources.


"Sex became more relevant to me around the age of thirteen," said Nehanda Ayoola, 18, of New York. "People I knew were starting to have sex and the first teen pregnancy I encountered was one of my classmates who got pregnant at fourteen."


It stands to reason that if the average church teen is going to a public school with secular friends and teachers; commuting to and from school with secular passengers; and watching secular television shows, then they're getting pumped with a plethora of different ideas. And, let's face the music, one of those ideas is sex. What exactly is the church doing to counter that?


Sadly, the answer is not very much.


"Teaching the true beauty of sex is to teach God's design of what sex truly is," said Harrison. "Unfortunately, it is not discussed enough in Christian circles and will never be discussed in secular circles for fear of offending someone. But, in my personal opinion, the reason why there are so many STDs and pregnant teenagers is because we aren't offending people."


There won't always be someone monitoring the promiscuous friends that some teens associate with, the lustful music that pumps through their iPods or the erotic books or magazines that they read.


If this is the case, what's going to give that teen the impetus to walk away from pornography or "say no" to their horny boyfriend?


"In my opinion, abstinence is the best choice to tell youth because it's what the Bible wants us to do," said Ayoola."I believe that you can tell people how to defend themselves, but don't make provisions for when people intentionally put themselves in the wrong situations...You may tell someone about avoiding gun violence but you don't give them a bullet proof vest. You tell them how to avoid those situations, not how to put themselves in those situations and not get hurt."


In 2006-2008, 42 percent of females and 35 percent of males reasoned that their sexual inexperience was because it was "against religion or morals."


What if the remaining percentage of guys and girls had been armed by their spiritual leaders? Would they have avoided the pitfalls?


"Many say that the modern view of sex has evolved, I say that is has become warped," said Harrison. "I expose the world's view on sex and what is considered safe sex, and tell [church youth] the only safe sex is God's design for sex."


Many young people within the church hold high standards for themselves because of their faith and fear of the unknown. However, how can the church address the percentage of young people in the church who have already soothed their curiosities?


"They should address them with as little judgment as possible and help them by getting a young adult to counsel and help them with their walk," said Goldson, who made the commitment to be abstinent until marriage around age 15 because of his church's influence.


Harrison also has a plan that works with teens who have already tasted the fruit.


"With girls, you must teach the importance of self-worth and value. Let them see that they are more than a sexual object for men to hound after. Despite what they see in music videos, that is not what normal sexual behavior," said Harrison."With young men, we teach the importance of self-control and having a strong will. Young men are generally weaker in this area, so we instill strength in their will, and show them how to respect a young woman and her faith."


The church is not the only sanctum that is hesitant in talking about sex. The practice is the same in the Muslim community.


"Adults think sex is only a topic for them, as in anyone that's not married is simply too young to know about sex," said Tahmina Ahmed, an 18-year-old Muslim living in New York. "The things I hear on TV or read in magazines highly influence how I think and what I know about sex today; the topic was never mentioned by my parents or in the mosque."


Although sex education appears to be too R-rated for religion, there is a church that is open to teaching young people about it. Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington does not shy away from the issue of sex, but rather highlights it as a good thing, according to the Bible.


Led by Executive Pastor and President Jamie Munson, Pastor Dave Bruskas and Pastor Mark Driscoll, their mission of educating young Christians about sex is all based in the Scriptures.


Sex is categorized in various ways, the most common are as "a god, as gross or a gift," said Pastor Mark Driscoll in his analytical series "The Peasant Princess," which delves into Song of Songs, a book written by King Solomon in the Bible.


To the world, sex is treated as a god. To the elders of the church, it is often looked down upon as gross, as emphasis is often placed on homosexuality and fornication. But, in the Word of God, it is nothing less and nothing more than a gift that should be enjoyed between husband and wife.


Song of Songs is a collection of love poems between a man and a woman. It is often interpreted as an allegory, between God and the Church, Jesus and the people and husband and wife.


Although it is a part of the Bible, it is sometimes skipped and many readers believe it to be too explicit. Some, on the other hand, choose to embrace all the books inspired by God.


"Song of Solomon is very sensual, and it's actually one of my favorite books simply because it is how love should be," said Ayoola. "It doesn't indicate premarital sex or any wrongdoing and I hope that someday my marriage reflects the principles in that book."


The topic of sex doesn't always have to be bashed or associated with sin.


"In the Quran, it is mentioned that sex should be performed between husband and wife and the main reason to have sex is to reproduce," said Ahmed. "Nothing is mentioned about one's own desires. I think that sex should not only be for reproduction, but your desires, as well. To me, having sex only to reproduce sounds like somewhat of a job and that isn't right."


Young people from all backgrounds will face sexual desires -- some earlier than others.


Instead of them facing those internal desires and conflicts alone, they should be met by the guidance of those who came before them.


"When I was a teen, I didn't have a father to talk with me about sex and my mother's lesson to me was, 'don't bring any babies in my house,' which is also the response of many urban single mothers to their sons," said Harrison.


The people with the most direct access to young teens are parents and Harrison is an advocate for sex education starting in the home.


"I am completely honest and upfront with my sons about sex," said Harrison, a father of 3 boys. "... I share with them that I want them to enjoy the beauty of giving their wives something that no woman has ever had before, their virginity. It's their choice, ultimately, to follow, but my hope and prayer is that they will remember my teachings when they find themselves in a position to have sex before marriage."


After parents, however, the next best teacher may still be an institution that cares not just for one's body, but for one's soul.


Visitor Comments (2)
I second!
Posted By BLESSMAK on December 4, 2011
Truth is, most marriages are in problems because of the mess that they got into before they even got married.

The church must wake up to this call.
The Undersex Teen
Posted By TIBIDO on December 1, 2011
Once again you I must applaud you on an article very well written on a topic that seems to always make people not want to become engaged in. Sex between Husband and Wife is the most sacred, intimate and beautiful thing in a marrage and thats because like everything else that God made its wonderful and done to perfection and it should not be taken lightly.
Thanks again for a well written article.
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