TV Show Review: Good Christian B*****s
May 2, 2012By Billy Delgado

When I first heard of the new upcoming show on the ABC network called Good Christian Bitches, three words came to mind.


No. They. Didn't.


I felt righteously indignant at the news. I wanted to flip some tables, brandish a whip like Jesus did at the temple. I wanted to ask the same question his disciples, John and James, asked when they welled up in anger.


"Will thou sendeth some fire from heaven to burn up these filthy heathens?" (I'm paraphrasing)


At that moment, I knew exactly how Muslims felt whenever Americans typically do something stupid to offend Islam and they decide to wage "jihad" against the "infidels."


See, you can make fun of my walk with Christ. Whenever I get made fun of for my beliefs, I see it as getting brownie points in heaven. Bring it on! But when you verbally slap my Lord in the face, something in me stirs up. I get sensitive. I start daydreaming about revolution and leading an army of G.I. Joe Christians into holy war. I'm kind of so reverent that I cringe in disapproval when I hear fellow Christians say jokes about "being slain in the spirit" or joke about speaking in "tongues." I get really sensitive about that stuff. It's bad enough that we get jokes from the world, you know.


I also think about the Apostle Peter who pulled out a sword and got Tupac about it when they seized Jesus in the middle of the night. He...reacted in the flesh. Is that what we have here? Am I reacting in the flesh when I want to approach the Hollywood set of this show and call fire down from heaven? I got angry. This Christ-bashing has to stop!


Why do the Christians have to be the butt of all the jokes? Why does the cartoon show Family Guy get to roast Christianity weekly and still go unchecked? Why does Barack Obama have to rename the Christmas tree to the "holiday" tree because of its Christian implications yet he apologizes to Muslims profusely whenever they feel insulted?


Why are a couple of catty women on The View allowed to get hostile against unwitting victim Pastor Mark Driscoll? 


Why does Homer Simpson take advantage of forever-forgiving neighbor Ned Flanders without retaliation?


Why does the U.S. military tremble after accidentally burning a Quran yet there are no Muslims apologizing for burning Christian HUMANS alive?


Why are we not louder than an email petition?


Why can't we move beyond a morning radio show topic?


Why are we considered "intolerant" but actor Kirk Cameron is ironically met with "intolerance" because his view about homosexuality echoes the Bible's view on it?


The double standard is maddening.


I'm then reminded of the scripture from Mark 13:13: All men will hate you because of me...


I'm conflicted with these feelings. A part of me wants to open up a "can of whoop" against this constant ridicule and these blatant insults.


I wonder sometimes where the fine line is between being bold for the gospel and being passive? On one hand, Jesus met Apostle Peter's violent reaction with a rebuke, "Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword." On the other hand, King Josiah cleaned up Israel and got rid of all of the idols and altars that littered pagan Israel. King Josiah did something about it and got his hands dirty. So, an inner debate rages in my soul.


Here we are with the latest insult, GCB based on a semi-autobiographical book of the same name (spelled out) written by Kim Gatlin. The name of the show was so offensive that the execs were forced to change the name to Good Christian Belles, then simply abbreviate it hoping to tone down the negative uproar. Were they successful? The show is still on, guys. Rather than conclude that the show is blasphemous by the mere name of it, I'm obligated to watch an episode so I can give an educated opinion so I don't sound like a ranting "fanatic." Sigh. Though the name alone tells it all, I didn't want to sound like an "intolerant" Christian.


For those of you that don't know, the series debuted on ABC on Sunday, March 4, 2012, at 10pm Eastern and centered on a recently widowed woman, Amanda Vaugn (Leslie Bibb), who moves her family back to the upscale Dallas, Texas, neighborhood where she grew up. Amanda runs into old schoolmates she used to pick on. Carlene Cockburn (Kristin Chenowith), the head "Bee" in charge leads the pack of wolves in sheep's clothing comprising Sharon Peacham (Jennifer Aspen) and Cricket Caruth-Reilly (Miriam Shor) who share on-screen time gossiping, backbiting, and scheming against each other. Nothing you haven't already seen in Housewives of Orange County or Desperate Housewives, save for the "Evangelical" lingo and congregational politics.


I watched a couple of episodes and I don't even think an atheist would find it entertaining. Snobby, judgmental hypocrites with Texan accents fill the cast. They constantly compete with each other in church functions. Every dirty deed is justified with a Bible verse. They're the stereotypical religious Southern folk who profess a kind of superficial Christianity that would wipe the never-ending smile off of fellow Texan Preacher Joel Osteen's face. I just pictured some Muslim in Iran with an illegal satellite watching all this blasphemy and yelling in his Arabic accent, "You see! America is the Great Satan!"


At one moment, sassy antagonist Carlene Cockburn tells her husband that the church loved her acting skills because of a role she acted in a play. They were impressed with her "burning bush," alluding to the story of Moses but the innuendo is obvious. Another episode, Amanda (teamed with Carlene) go on to a BBQ contest and the team of "Christian" B****s all sport tight, white t-shirts (a bucket of water away from a wet T-shirt contest) with their team logo that reads "Spicy Racks." THAT innuendo was obvious. The characters are so cartoonish that it's easy to dismiss it as such except that it's just disrespectful and belittling.


The hidden messages are apparent. The slick-haired pasty Reverend Steve (Michael Arden), expressing disapproval for the "Spicy Racks" T-shirts while "Hunky" blonde Pastor John (Taylor Jacob Moore) doles out the harmlessness of a little competition. Really?


Critics have made the point that this show is true-to-life. In fact, a friend of mine attested to the fact that there are Christians who do behave this way. Granted, that may be but there are hypocrites EVERYWHERE in life. It's insulting to me when these same critics argue that that this show is not a knock on religion but about how characters failed to live by their faith. GAG! That they're showing you the fallacy in the hypocrite and not a social commentary on Christianity. Please spare me the baloney! The intentions are clear. I've seen spoofs on religion such as Dogma, a satire on Catholicism and at least that movie wasn't created to be a mean-spirited joke.


The characters are anything but Christian (even the level-headed protagonist), which is to be expected from the so-called "family-friendly" networks like ABC (Anything But Christ). But how worse is it going to get? Eventually, we'll get to a point in time where Christians IN AMERICA will receive all-out persecution. It's only a matter of time and shows like these condition the public perception into consciously or unconsciously agreeing that all Christians are rich, vain snobs.

Do we fight? Do we turn the other cheek? Would ignoring it be regarded as turning the other cheek? The jokes and taunts will inevitably get worse, but does that justify apathy? Just allow the country to go downhill hill and wait for the rapture?


On the top of my head, I can remember the only times Jesus got upset was when the injustice was being done by people who knew better: the Pharisees. He would rebuke the teachers of the law constantly for their hypocrisy. He would rebuke the money-changers who were taking advantage of the tithe and using a system that enabled them to profit from people bringing offerings to the temple.


What about when they ridiculed him, spit on him and whipped him? He offered himself willingly to die on the cross. So in comes the famous question: What would Jesus do?


I suppose if the director was a Pastor, Jesus would turn over the cameras and run off the actors. Assuming these actors were non-believers, knowing His character, he would approach them in a loving way - the way he did with the prostitutes and tax collectors in His earthly day. Then again, there is a quote from the creator of the show, Robert Harling, professing to be a Presbyterian and Kristin Chenowith, who also claims to be a Christian.


Says Chenowith, "I certainly wouldn't do anything that would make fun of my own faith. This is just chocolate cake, and it's actually a love letter to Dallas." Gag!


So there may be a table-flipping moment after all: in the wrath to come.


For those of you who do not want to be apathetic about disrespect, you're free to be vocal about it. You're not alone. New York City politician, Peter Vallone, has already called for Christians to unite against the anti-Christian sitcom. I've provided a few ways to voice your displeasure:


The Walt Disney Company Robert Iger, CEO 500 S. Buena Vista Street Burbank, CA 91521 Phone: (818) 460-7777


ABC Entertainment Anne Sweeney, president 500 S. Buena Vista Street Burbank, CA 91521-4551 (818) 560-1000 or (212) 456-7777 Email ABC netaudr@abc.com


ABC Family Channel Paul Lee, president 3800 West Alameda Ave. Burbank, CA 91505 Phone: 818-560-1000 Fax: 818-560-1930

Website contact: http://abcfamily.go.com/site/feedback




The self-proclaimed Zig Ziglar of rap, Billy Delgado, is a Music Producer/Artist and Writer by day and sleeping pillow-drooler by night. He is currently producing the debut album for his band The 288's, a God-inspired Hip Hop/R&B group that combines soul-baring lyricism with an electric innovative sound, breaking from the norm and reaching all cultures & ages (save senior citizens). He still can't believe he's a family man with a beautiful wife Mari & three boys Chris, Nelson and Joshua, so he continues to pinch himself silly to this day.







Visitor Comments (1)
We are in a WAR
Posted By TIBIDO on May 7, 2012
We are in a spiritual war with Satan and we need to be aware of that. I think as christians we are not trained nor do we know how to fight this type of warfare. We unwittingly allow satan to come close to us through shows like GCB and we are not able to fight him off the bible says "can a man take fire to his bosom and his clothes not be burned".( Prov 6 27) we have to be uncompromising as christians so that satan cannot get a foothold in our lives. He is ruthless and we have to keep him out at all costs.We will not give up
Keep up the good work Billy
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