Last night, a friend and I sat outside of church and chatted gingerly as we waited for my daughter. We had an hour to blow and both agreed that the night air felt oh-so-good. Come to think of it, I guess we were literally shooting the breeze.

Folks trickled in and out of the sanctuary. Everyone exchanged greetings, jokes and merry spirits. I was amazed at how many people asked-and, at times, probed-my home girl on being M.I.A. Now, it's somewhat true that they hadn't seen her around, since she took a much-needed hiatus from a few responsibilities in order to rest and focus on other areas. I suppose I don't really feel her absence since we speak or link up just about daily. (Okay, so she's waiting for me to join her for lunch so I better hurry this column along!) I understand, though, how others think she's, well, incog-NEGRO.

I don't know where I picked up the moniker, "The less said, the best said," but, ironically enough, it's one of those sayings that I'm known for saying. I admire brevity. No doubt, it's on account of my meek parents as well as writing instructors. So you can imagine how it chafed against me when folks asked the silliest, long-winded questions about my friend's absence.

(By the way, she doesn't know I'm writing this column).

I believe it's the great motivational speaker, Stephen Covey, who urges people to speak as though they're having a heart attack. He's not saying to gasp, stutter, hold your chest or anything like that. His point is that every day we ought to relay what is essential, what MUST get out. Omit the extra.

The Lord knows a thing or two about measuring one's words. Proverbs says "Where words are many, sin is not absent." (Proverbs 10:19a).

I thought about it late into the night. Even if my buddy didn't feel as though she were put on the spot, I know that after a while the questions must've been burdensome. And so today I thought I'd write a little about statements that Christians shouldn't say to one another.

1. "Now that I see you, I realize you haven't been here in a while. Are you still walking with the Lord?"

ASSUMPTION: Perfect church attendance means a healthy relationship with the Lord.

TRUTH: Sometimes people get lost for good reasons. I've heard of young adults who only tell their church leaders about their participation in short or long term missions. They want their motives to be pure. Similarly, I have a friend who was blessed with a long trip to Paris and didn't want to boast. She only told her family. The truth is that church attendance is an important spiritual health barometer, but it's not the only one. We ought not automatically assume absence equals a problem.

BETTER WAY TO PUT IT: "Man, running into you today just really made me joyful. I pray I see you more often. You're awesome."

2. "I haven't seen your child/spouse/sibling/parent in church lately. What's up with them? I hope separation/divorce/rebellion isn't the problem."

ASSUMPTION: A missing "better half," child or sibling means struggle.

TRUTH: Families often transition. There are times when it's necessary to get away for sabbaticals, vacations, relocations or work. A young lady I know misses her husband right now. He's away on a month-long work trip to Maryland. Make no mistake, though, their marriage is blossoming. We may not see the husband lately but, honey, that doesn't spell doom.

BETTER WAY TO PUT IT: "Give {insert name of child/spouse/sibling/parent} my best greeting. They're really awesome and I hope I catch up with him/her really soon."

3. "I see that you are pregnant. Do you plan on marrying?"

ASSUMPTION: Marrying corrects the mistake of getting pregnant out of wedlock.

TRUTH: Couples shouldn't marry because they're expecting. They should marry because it's God-ordained. Certainly, marriage should be evaluated when a child is involved. Still, unplanned pregnancies leave the couple emotionally vulnerable. Matrimony can add pressure-cooker heat to an already boiling situation. The couple should pray together and seek counseling to determine how they should approach their family unit.

BETTER WAY TO PUT IT: "God gave you an unexpected gift, but it's a present nonetheless. I pray God meets your every need and orders your steps."